DAVID ROBY  |  Arts and Science

Act One

Scene One: The Excavation

(At rise, AMELIA sits on the edge of the bed talking to DAMMOND, who is sitting on the floor, tying his shoes. Throughout the first scene, DAMMOND cleans his apartment. As he cleans, he changes his clothes and hairstyle in order to improve his appearance as all other action continues. The time is three a.m.)

AMELIA
So what else am I supposed to think?

DAMMOND
About what?

AMELIA
You sounded crazy!

DAMMOND
When?

AMELIA
On the phone, you sounded crazy. Right now, you’re sounding crazy.

DAMMOND
Excuse me.

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
I need my shirt.

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
You’re on my shirt.

AMELIA
I’d like to talk about this.

DAMMOND
I’d like to get my shirt.

AMELIA
Can we talk about this?

DAMMOND (pulls a portion of his shirt from between her legs)
I don’t want my shirt all wrinkled.

AMELIA
What are you doing?

DAMMOND (yanks the shirt from underneath her)
I need to get my shirt, pleasethankyou.

AMELIA
What is going on with you?

DAMMOND
A lot.

AMELIA
I can see that.

DAMMOND
Then please!

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
I don’t like things pried out of me!

AMELIA
You brought it up!

DAMMOND
No!

AMELIA
On the phone! You brought it up!

DAMMOND
I can’t talk about it anymore!

AMELIA
We need to talk about it!

DAMMOND
We’ve already talked about it!

AMELIA
We haven’t talked about it!

DAMMOND
Yes!

AMELIA
When?

DAMMOND
On the phone, I brought it up!

AMELIA
You hung up on me!

DAMMOND
I had to go.

AMELIA
On the phone, you had to go. Right now, you have to go.

DAMMOND
She’s coming here.

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
She’s coming here. We’re meeting here.

AMELIA
It’s three in the morning! It’s after three in the fuckin’ morning!

DAMMOND
She wants to see my work! To talk to me about my work! She owns a gallery in SoHo, and she wants to see my paintings. She’s this incredible Danish woman who owns a gallery in SoHo, and she wants to see my paintings!

AMELIA
OK!

DAMMOND
To talk to me about my paintings!

AMELIA
I got it!

DAMMOND
Just to talk.

AMELIA
I got it!

DAMMOND
It’s exciting!

AMELIA
I finally got it! I finally got the joke!

DAMMOND
What joke?

AMELIA
These last few months have been a joke.

DAMMOND
No!

AMELIA
You tell me you’ve got this secret to tell me that you’ll tell me later. And later comes. And now is later. And you still won’t tell me about the secret. ’Cause it’s not the type of secret that you think I think it is.

DAMMOND
It’s not like that!

AMELIA
Then what else am I supposed to think? How else am I supposed to feel? You have a secret and you won’t tell me the secret!

DAMMOND
I’ve started the secret!

AMELIA
And I’m not gonna ask about the secret anymore!

DAMMOND
All the things I said about . . .

AMELIA
And I’m not gonna pry. And I’m not gonna beg. And I’m not gonna tear it out of you. I’ve done that before! I’ve been there before! I’ve been the butt and the punch line before! And it’s not funny . . .

DAMMOND
I’m not laughing!

AMELIA (not hearing him)
. . . and I’m not laughing! And I’m not doing it again!

DAMMOND
It’s not a joke! These last few months are not a joke! I just can’t find them!

AMELIA
Find what?

DAMMOND
Tools!

AMELIA
Tools?

DAMMOND
I don’t have them!

AMELIA
What kind of tools?

DAMMOND
To dig!

AMELIA
Dig what?

DAMMOND
What’s it called . . . ?

AMELIA
A shovel?

DAMMOND
Layers!

AMELIA
You want a shovel?

DAMMOND
Lots of layers!

AMELIA
I’ll find a shovel.

DAMMOND
All kinds of layers!

AMELIA
You want a fuckin’ shovel?

DAMMOND
Around me. Layers all around me. Around my head. Around my body. Around my gut. Inside my gut.

AMELIA
This is such a fuckin’ joke!

DAMMOND
I don’t have the tools it takes to dig inside of me. To dig out and pull out and take out what part of me it is I need to show to you. The part of me I have to show to you. I can’t touch it. I can’t touch the tools. Those are the tools I was talking about. On the phone, with you, I thought I’d found them. At the party, I thought I’d found them. I walked in the door, and a naked woman asked me to give her my clothes.

AMELIA
For what?

DAMMOND
Everybody has to check his clothes!

AMELIA
For what?

DAMMOND
And I thought to myself, tonight I’ve finally found the tools to tell you what I need to tell you. All these people were walking around naked and half-naked,

AMELIA
Were you naked?

DAMMOND
. . . and all I see are bodies naked with perfection.

AMELIA
Were you naked?

DAMMOND
If you don’t want to be naked, though,

AMELIA
Were you naked?

DAMMOND
. . . then you have to wear a gown.

AMELIA
A gown?

DAMMOND
Like in the—in the hospital.

AMELIA
That’s insane!

DAMMOND
So I’m standing there with my ass hanging out thinking you and I should have a little talk.

AMELIA
What kind of place is this?

DAMMOND
It’s for the show.

AMELIA
What show?

DAMMOND
At the gallery. It’s where the party was at—at the gallery. This guy
was showing his art at the gallery.

	Photo by Pete Guither

AMELIA
What kind of art?

DAMMOND
People.

AMELIA
He paints people?

DAMMOND
He sculpts people.

AMELIA
Out of clay?

DAMMOND
Out of flesh.

AMELIA
What do you mean?

DAMMOND
To make them better. To make them look better. He sculpts people. He
sculpts their skin. He sculpts their fat. Around the bone. He sculpts people.

AMELIA
How?

DAMMOND
Surgery.

AMELIA
What kind of surgery?

DAMMOND
Body Lypo-Sculpting surgery. Cosmetic surgery.

AMELIA
And he calls that art?

DAMMOND
It is.

AMELIA
How?

DAMMOND
He performs it.

AMELIA
Oh.

DAMMOND
Surgical art. That’s what he calls it.

AMELIA
He’s a doctor?

DAMMOND
Yes.

AMELIA
He went to med school?

DAMMOND
Yes.

AMELIA
He graduated?

DAMMOND
Yes.

AMELIA
How do you know?

DAMMOND
I talked to him.

AMELIA
About what?

DAMMOND
He didn’t want to go into medicine for the sake of medicine. And he didn’t want to go into art for the sake of art. So he studied medicine and became a doctor, so he could practice medicine for the sake of art.

AMELIA
That’s weird.

DAMMOND
You should see his art.

AMELIA
Why?

DAMMOND
’Cause they really look like art. Everybody just walks around and looks like art. He calls them Walking Works of Art.

AMELIA
It’s not art.

DAMMOND
The human body walks like art.

AMELIA
He said that?

DAMMOND
He says when the human body walks, that’s when the human body’s really art. When the heel of the foot hits the ground or the floor, and gravity transfers the weight of the body and pulls the ball of the foot to the surface of the floor, and the back of the leg then lengthens and strengthens and stiffens, where the thigh meets the buttocks like the sand meets the sea. Right there, he calls that art.

AMELIA
Where?

DAMMOND
Right there.

AMELIA
Here?

DAMMOND
Yes.

AMELIA
This right here is art?

DAMMOND
Walking Works of Art.

AMELIA
He sounds fucked up.

DAMMOND
I like him.

AMELIA
Why?

DAMMOND
He wants to make me art. He wants to change my body. I get to go back sometime and change my body.

AMELIA
But you don’t need to change your body.

DAMMOND
Into a Walking Work of Art? I need to change my body! I want to be a Walking Work of Art. To you. For you. I want for you. I want you to be able to say, “I have a boyfriend who is a Walking Work of Art.”

AMELIA
I don’t want a boyfriend who’s a Walking Work of Art.

DAMMOND
I want to be just like them.

AMELIA
No.

DAMMOND
I want to be able to walk around naked and flaunt myself naked and feel good about my body being naked.

AMELIA
But you don’t need surgery to feel good about your body being naked.

DAMMOND
Yes. Yes, I do.

AMELIA
You don’t.

DAMMOND
Trust me.

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
I do.

AMELIA
Why?

DAMMOND
I can’t tell you.

AMELIA
You can tell me.

DAMMOND
I want to tell you. More than anything. I want to tell you. I want to tell you. What I need to tell you.

AMELIA
You can tell me.

DAMMOND
Why I feel so . . . hesitant. All the time. Around you.

AMELIA
You can tell me.

DAMMOND
Sexually. But I can’t tell you. I can’t find the tools to tell you.

AMELIA
You can tell me.

DAMMOND
I don’t know how to tell you.

AMELIA
Just tell me.

DAMMOND
Look.

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
Around my room. Look at it. Look at all my paintings. What are all these paintings?

AMELIA
They’re paintings.

DAMMOND
Of what?

AMELIA
Doctors and nurses and blood.

DAMMOND
What kind of doctors?

AMELIA
Surgeons.

DAMMOND
And who’s in all the pictures of the pictures with the surgeons?

AMELIA
You.

DAMMOND
And in the pictures of the surgeons, what’re the surgeons doing?

AMELIA
Is this your secret? That you’ve had surgeries? Is this your secret? ’Cause if this is secret, it’s not a secret. I’ve picked up on that. I can see that.

DAMMOND
No.

AMELIA
I can tell that you’ve had surgeries.

DAMMOND
No.

AMELIA
Then what’s the secret?

DAMMOND
Scars.

AMELIA
Scars?

DAMMOND
From surgeries. Surgeries that gave me scars. When I was a kid. When I was a kid. When I was a boy. When I was just a baby, I had surgeries. Surgeries that gave me scars.

AMELIA
I know.

DAMMOND
How?

AMELIA
I could see them.

DAMMOND
When?

AMELIA
When we were together.

DAMMOND
But I make sure it’s very, very dark. Pitch black, real dark.

AMELIA
But still I could see them. I could feel them. How’d it happen?

DAMMOND
When I was born.

AMELIA
But how’d it happen?

DAMMOND
I don’t know. When I was born. Something happened. That’s what I want us to talk about.

AMELIA
We’re talking.

DAMMOND
That’s all I know.

AMELIA
You don’t know what kind of surgeries?

DAMMOND
To put it back, I know. My bladder. To put it back inside my body. To make it whole again. To sew the hole and make it whole again. To make it bigger. To put a thing around my bladder.

AMELIA
What kind of thing?

DAMMOND
To hold it all together.

AMELIA
Around your bladder?

DAMMOND
That’s all I know.

AMELIA
How many?

DAMMOND
Fourteen.

AMELIA
Fourteen operations?

DAMMOND
I think.

AMELIA
And you don’t know?

DAMMOND
I don’t know what they did.

AMELIA
You didn’t ask?

DAMMOND
I was a baby.

AMELIA
But when you were older . . . ?

DAMMOND
I always wondered, but I never asked. I always just kind of nodded my head and pretended to understand.

AMELIA
Do you remember?

DAMMOND
And I’ve got scars.

AMELIA
I know that you’ve got scars.

DAMMOND
Not just flesh and wound and scalpeled scars. But scars. Real scars. All kinds of “I don’t know how to tell you, I don’t have the tools it takes inside of me to tell you” scars. Something that I really, really need to show to you I don’t know how to show it to you.

AMELIA
But you have.

DAMMOND
Not in the light.

AMELIA
No.

DAMMOND
I can’t just take off all my clothes and show it to you.

AMELIA
OK.

DAMMOND
I can’t do that.

AMELIA
OK.

DAMMOND
I won’t do that.

AMELIA
OK.

DAMMOND
Do you expect me to do that?

AMELIA
No.

DAMMOND
’Cause I can’t do that.

AMELIA
OK.

DAMMOND
I can’t just take off all my clothes and walk around naked and flaunt myself naked, I can’t do that. I’m not like that. That’s why I want to be like that. A Walking Work of Art. So I can do that. I’m not like those people tonight. That I met at the party tonight. Who can do that. Who can take off all their clothes and walk around naked and flaunt themselves naked and have fun. I don’t have fun. I’m not the type of person who has that type of fun. I don’t have the type of body that has that type of fun. Has fun with his body. Works his body to have fun. Has fun with his body. That’s not me. Someone else. That I met. At the party. Has all this fun. Always fun. Goes sailing for months and hiking for months. Safaris and cruises he takes to Alaska and Antarctica. Says something happens there where your eyes are always dilated and you see different. And you think different. And everything is open and makes sense and is fun. I cannot be that far away for that long of a time and have fun. When I go have fun, I don’t have fun. I can’t go to a party to have fun and have fun. Like tonight, I don’t have fun.

AMELIA
You’re supposed to have fun.

DAMMOND
I went to look at a bunch of naked people.

AMELIA
But that’s for fun.

DAMMOND
But not for fun.

AMELIA
People have fun . . .

DAMMOND
I went to look at other people’s bodies. To study other people’s bodies. To examine other people’s bodies. But not for sex. And not for play. And certainly not for fun. But something medical and curious for me to know about other people’s bodies. To know how other people’s bodies are built. How other people’s bodies are formed. Compared to my form and my build.

AMELIA
I don’t think there’s really anything that different. What’s so different?

DAMMOND
I’ve had so many surgeries down there. Knives and scalpels. Hands and tubes. Virile doctors and sexy nurses. All their eyes down there. Stitches on my bladder. Stitches on my navel. The head of my penis. My groin. My pelvis. Stitches all across from there to there. All those scars and all those stitches. On my skin. And on my insides. Scars you can see. Scars you can touch. Scars you can only imagine inside. Down there. All down there. I’ve been invaded down there so many times down there . . . horrible scars on top of horrible scars on top of horrible birthmarks and scars.

AMELIA
It’s really not that bad.

DAMMOND
How do you know?

AMELIA
At all.

DAMMOND
I got scars down there in my brain, in my nerves. In my spine. In my fingers. In my head. Just trust me. They’re bad. I got all that going on inside my body. Internal scars inside my body. Outside my body. Frontside. Backside. I got scars all around my body that scream to me, “Please change my body.” I look at other people’s bodies, and I get so envious. I want his hips. Or his navel. Or his walk. Or his pelvis. Or his bladder. And it just makes me want to have like everybody else.

AMELIA
Have?

DAMMOND
Have!

AMELIA
Have what?

DAMMOND
They have what I want.

AMELIA
You have what you want.

DAMMOND
I don’t even have what I need. Just look at me. You can see all my surgeries and all my scars down there just by looking at me right here. I don’t have to take off all my clothes for you to see my scars. You can see scars on my face from there on my face and in my eyes, I got scars. All these scars. All across my face.  All around my face. And in my eyes from here to here. You can see that I’ve got scars. You can see it on my face and in my eyes and out of my mouth, “I got scars.” Scars I have on my body. All around my body. I need to change my body. I got all that going on inside my body, I have no choice, I have to change my body.

(DAMMOND starts to leave.)

AMELIA
Where are you going?

DAMMOND
To the bathroom.

AMELIA
Can you come here?

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
Just come here. Just sit here.

DAMMOND (sitting down)
I gotta go to the bathroom.

AMELIA
Look here.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA (pointing to her jaw)
Right here.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
All across from here to here.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
You can see.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
All my scars from here to here. From the blinker or the gear shift or the steering wheel, I don’t know. From below my eyes down to my neck right through the glass. On a rainy night. And the rear view mirror on the way. And right here.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
Right here.

DAMMOND
Mirror?

AMELIA
No.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
Rainy night.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
Windshield wiper.

DAMMOND
What?

AMELIA
My whole face. From here to here, I’m totally different. I look totally different. You can see. Totally reconstructed. See the scars.

DAMMOND
They’re tiny.

AMELIA
So are yours.

DAMMOND
They’re beautiful.

AMELIA
So are yours.

DAMMOND
You’re beautiful.

AMELIA
So are you. You don’t have scars on your face.

DAMMOND
I got a different type of scars.

AMELIA
OK.

DAMMOND
I got scars on my face from down there.

AMELIA
And I’ve got scars down there from my face. You’re not the only one.

DAMMOND
OK.

AMELIA
I’ve got scars.

DAMMOND
OK.

AMELIA
Elaborate surgeries. Essential surgeries just to even get me out the fuckin’ door. Make me look OK.

DAMMOND
But you look great.

AMELIA
But it’s not me. I look like the Bride of Frankenstein.

DAMMOND
You do not.

AMELIA
I do.

DAMMOND
Not at all!

AMELIA
You don’t like it, because then that makes you Frankenstein.

DAMMOND
I wouldn’t mind.

AMELIA
Why?

DAMMOND
’Cause he looks just like her. He’s exactly like her. They’re identical.

AMELIA
No, they’re not. They’re not identical.

DAMMOND
They are!

AMELIA
He’s big and green and has bolts coming out of his neck. She’s pale and white with crazy hair that goes like this.

DAMMOND
You’re right.

AMELIA
We’re not identical.

DAMMOND
No.

AMELIA
I’m hesitant, too. Sexually. I’m very hesitant, too. I’ve got so much sexual inhibition, because of so much physical inhibition, I don’t know which outweighs the other.

DAMMOND
And I’ve got so much sexual inhibition, because of so much physical exhibition. I was always on exhibit.

AMELIA
It’s just reversed.

DAMMOND
Just the same.

AMELIA
We’re the same?

DAMMOND
Just like twins.

AMELIA
I had an eyelid that wouldn’t open. A nose that was clipped at the tip. A lip that was ripped right open. A chin that had crumbled. A throat that looked like a duck’s. Holes in my cheeks. Broken teeth. Bleeding gums. All red and black and bloody and broken and brown and blue and purple and puce. That was all on my face. Where people could see. All of that. All the time on my face. All those colors on my face. All those scars and gashes on my face. I had to change my face.

DAMMOND
I know.

AMELIA
Everyone could see my face.

DAMMOND
I know.

AMELIA
But when I looked like that, with all of that, all scarred and bruised and broken, I looked more like me then than I look like me right now. If I had the choice right now whether to change my face or not to change my face . . . Why are you shaking?

DAMMOND (is rocking back and forth, holding his stomach)
I gotta go to the bathroom.

AMELIA
I’m sorry.

DAMMOND
It’s OK. Go on.

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
I’ll hold my bladder.

AMELIA
You will?

DAMMOND
Yuh.

AMELIA
In your hands?

DAMMOND
Yuh. I talked to a woman on the phone one time who had to do that.

AMELIA
What?

DAMMOND
Her name was Madeline. She had the same thing I did. With her bladder on the outside when she was born. About seventy-five years ago in Paris. But she never had surgery. They didn’t know what to do such a long time ago. And when she got older, she still never wanted to have the surgery. Her bladder’s still on the outside of her body. And she has to literally hold her bladder every time she laughs.

DAMMOND
So she never laughs. She was so depressing.

AMELIA
Are you making this up?

DAMMOND
No. She hung up on me.

AMELIA
Why?

DAMMOND
’Cause I made her laugh, I don’t know.

AMELIA
Seriously?

DAMMOND
She said she has to apply alcohol bandages directly on her bladder.

AMELIA
Ouch.

DAMMOND
Every six hours!

AMELIA
Ouch.

DAMMOND
Alcohol on red raw membrane.

AMELIA
God!

DAMMOND
All because she didn’t want to change her body. All because she didn’t want to have one surgery that would help her change her body. I don’t have to have something so obviously wrong with my body where everybody can see something is obviously wrong with my body to have the need to change my body. Sure it might be some radical thing to actually change my body. But it’s a much more radical thing to go through what I’m going through right now without changing my body. Just think of all the things that woman goes through all because she was too proud or too scared to have one single surgery to change her body. I don’t have to be a mermaid or a Cyclops or have had gashes all across my face to have the need to change my body. I will never believe that I was destined to become what I looked like on the day I was born. I can’t believe that. I won’t believe that. I’ll never believe that. I don’t know how that woman lives like that. How she lives. How she survives. She told me the day she was born, she said her mother told her that it snowed in Paris. And for the first time in Paris . . . I really gotta go to the bathroom.

AMELIA
What happened?

DAMMOND
For the first time in Paris, the snow came down, and it was black.

AMELIA
Black snow?

DAMMOND
Yuh.

AMELIA
From the clouds?

DAMMOND
That’s what she kept repeating: Black snow falling from the clouds. Black snow falling from the clouds. Black snow. It’s falling from the clouds.

(DAMMOND goes into the bathroom. AMELIA crosses over to the bathroom door.)

	Photo by Pete Guither

AMELIA
You look beautiful.

DAMMOND (offstage)
I’m peeing!

AMELIA
I know you’re peeing! But still, you look beautiful.

DAMMOND (comes back into the room)
So do you.

(Black out. End of Scene One.)

 

Scene Two: The Dissection

(A few minutes later. AMELIA leans against the frame of the bathroom door as DAMMOND stands in the doorway of the apartment with MISS JUSTESEN. It’s four a.m.)

MISS JUSTESEN
I just wanted to see your paintings. I came all way just to see your paintings.

DAMMOND
We just need to get some sleep.

MISS JUSTESEN
I thought you were expecting me.

DAMMOND
It’s four o’clock in the morning.

MISS JUSTESEN
I didn’t know it was so late.

DAMMOND
Yes.

MISS JUSTESEN
Of course it’s late. I never stay up so late back home in Hjalmarsgard.
I guess New York life has really got to me. I’ve never been to such naked orgy.

DAMMOND
It wasn’t an orgy.

MISS JUSTESEN
But it was naked.

DAMMOND
But it wasn’t an orgy.

MISS JUSTESEN
It didn’t start until after midnight. I’ve never been to party that started after midnight.

DAMMOND
Miss Justesen . . .

MISS JUSTESEN
You said you paint something about bladders and doctors and blood. All about bladder surgeries you’ve had.  And when we talked about it at party, it seemed as if you don’t really even know that much about them.

DAMMOND
Not really.

MISS JUSTESEN
My professor at arts university always said, “Painting yourself and not yet knowing yourself is good way to get to know yourself. Is portrait of self really portrait of self? Or portrait of someone you know better than yourself? How ignorant man paints portrait of himself is not portrait of ignorant man, because it is seldom portrait of himself.” Did that answer your question? At party, you asked me why I wanted to see your paintings . . .

DAMMOND
Right.

MISS JUSTESEN
. . . and I just told you.

DAMMOND
Oh.

MISS JUSTESEN
Does that answer your question?

DAMMOND
Yes.

MISS JUSTESEN
Good, I’d like to see your paintings.

DAMMOND
Miss Justesen . . .

MISS JUSTESEN
Yes?

DAMMOND
I don’t mean to be rude.

MISS JUSTESEN
Of course not.

DAMMOND
But maybe we can do this another time. I’ll call you later on in the week, after the weekend or something, OK?

MISS JUSTESEN
I’m sorry I was late.

DAMMOND
It’s all right.

MISS JUSTESEN
I was talking to Naaktgeboren.

DAMMOND
I understand.

MISS JUSTESEN
He’s doctor at gallery. He said you missed your consultation.

DAMMOND
When?

MISS JUSTESEN
Consultation to change your body.

DAMMOND
They were tonight?

MISS JUSTESEN
At morning time.

DAMMOND
I didn’t know.

MISS JUSTESEN
Yours was two-fifteen.

DAMMOND
That’s when I left. Why were they so late?

MISS JUSTESEN
That’s just way he does things there. Maybe you can talk to him.

DAMMOND
I’ll call him tomorrow.

MISS JUSTESEN
You don’t need to. I brought him here. I knew you wanted consultation, and you didn’t mean to miss consultation, so I brought consultation to you.

NAAKTGEBOREN (abruptly enters. He carries a briefcase under his arm.)
Fuck! I just cut my fuckin’ hand on the fuckin’ mirror in the fuckin’ hall. I’m gonna get a fuckin’ scar. Fuck! Probably right across my lifeline or right across my sexline.

DAMMOND
Is it bad?

NAAKTGEBOREN
I just cut my fuckin’ life in half and my fuckin’ sex in half, and he asks me if it’s bad. Of course it’s bad! Look at it! Right across the line.

DAMMOND
I’ll get a Band-Aid.

(Crosses to the bathroom as he speaks. AMELIA retreats further inside unnoticeably.)

NAAKTGEBOREN
I don’t need a Band-Aid. I need stitches.

DAMMOND
You’re barely bleeding.

MISS JUSTESEN
Have you two met?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Yuh, we met at the party. I hate scars. Don’t you? I hate any kind of fuckin’ scars.

DAMMOND
You look good.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Thanks.

DAMMOND
I mean, with your clothes on. You look good.

MISS JUSTESEN
You should see his legs.

DAMMOND
I know.

MISS JUSTESEN
He’s got strong legs.

NAAKTGEBOREN
My legs are my divining rod. They always guide my libido toward another hungry libido.

MISS JUSTESEN
What’s libido?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Appetite.

MISS JUSTESEN
Oh. I have strong libido myself.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Really?

MISS JUSTESEN
All night long.

NAAKTGEBOREN
You’re not alone.

MISS JUSTESEN
I’ve had such strong libido . . .

NAAKTGEBOREN
I didn’t know.

MISS JUSTESEN
. . . for broiled salmon and steamed vegetables! And little cup of sake, too. Not too big. Not too small. And nice big Apple Betty Crisp. A friend of mine owns culinary school back home in Hjalmarsgard. I’ll have to remember word and tell her I have strong libido for her home cookin’. Is that right?

DAMMOND
She might get the wrong idea.

MISS JUSTESEN
You know, I have heard word before. Downstairs at party.

DAMMOND
I’m sure you did.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Libido.

MISS JUSTESEN
I knew it sounded familiar!

NAAKTGEBOREN
Libido!

MISS JUSTESEN
Naked man was singing song to another naked man.

NAAKTGEBOREN
I like the sound of that.

MISS JUSTESEN
Naked Man A, we shall call him, said to Naked Man B, if you will, “Well, I can tell it’s not pistol in your pocket.” And Naked Man B then sang to Naked Man A, let’s see if I can remember: “I could read your libido right through tuxedo. Might as well be wearing wet and white Speedo!” Yes! I remember now! What’s Speedo?

NAAKTGEBOREN
A small bikini brief.

MISS JUSTESEN
Oh, I think I get it. I heard him sing song to three or four different men and one very different woman.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Who was he?

MISS JUSTESEN
I don’t remember his name. That’s not most prominent feature that stuck out. He told me had his Broadway debut in Will Rogers Follies, and that he considered that easy route for coming out as homosexual. For months, he said he just kept repeating, “I never met man I didn’t like. I never met man I didn’t like. I never met man I didn’t like.” And eventually, he said his broken record mentality caught on and everyone understood him.

DAMMOND
I’m sure they did.

NAAKTGEBOREN (lifting up his hand)
It stopped bleeding.

AMELIA (approaches from the bathroom)
I like that story.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Who are you?

AMELIA
Amelia.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Amelia? Hello, Amelia.

AMELIA (extends her hand)
Hello.

NAAKTGEBOREN
I’d shake your hand, but my hand is bleeding.

AMELIA
I thought it stopped.

NAAKTGEBOREN
I’m Naaktgeboren. It means “Born Naked.” I’m Born Naked.

AMELIA
So was I.

MISS JUSTESEN
Me, too. What a sight! Call the cops! Call the cops, I’m born naked! It’s so perfect that your name of all people means “Born Naked.” Don’t you think? Everything he likes to do is so naked.

(To DAMMOND.)

I’d really love to see your paintings.

NAAKTGEBOREN
That’s all she kept chirping about on the cab ride over.

MISS JUSTESEN
Chirping?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Like a bird.

MISS JUSTESEN
He’s right.

DAMMOND (gets up out of his seat)
Then I’ll show you.

NAAKTGEBOREN (stopping him)
So tell me, what can I do for you? The consultation, to change your body, what can I do for you?

DAMMOND
I just wanted to know more about what you do.

NAAKTGEBOREN
In what way?

DAMMOND
About your Walking Works of Art.  I want to be a Walking Work of Art.

NAAKTGEBOREN
That’s what I want to make you. A Walking Work of Art.

DAMMOND
Sounds good to me.

MISS JUSTESEN
May I see your paintings?

DAMMOND
Feel free to look around.

(Back to NAAKTGEBOREN.)

You were saying?

NAAKTGEBOREN
“At TransFormations, we can TransForm Godzillas into Gods. King Kongs into Kings. Creatures from the Black Lagoon into Creatures that Will Make You Swoon.” All you need is bones and we’ll work around them.

MISS JUSTESEN
Bones?

NAAKTGEBOREN
You got bones somewhere underneath all that fat?

DAMMOND
I got bones.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Then we’ll work around them. Here’s my pamphlet.

(NAAKTGEBOREN pulls a few pamphlets out of his briefcase.)

Look at this pamphlet and point out to me the physical shape you’d most like your body to resemble.

DAMMOND
Here.

NAAKTGEBOREN
This is your dream body?

DAMMOND
Yes.

NAAKTGEBOREN
For you to touch or for you to have?

DAMMOND
For me to have.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Good. You’ve done me proud. Among all my Walking Works of Art, that’s the one I’m fondest of. That cultivated sculptured look. That’s good. I call that Promenade.

AMELIA (laughing)
Promenade?

NAAKTGEBOREN
A body fit for a leisurely walk in a public place mainly for pleasure or for display. Let me hear you say it.

DAMMOND
Promenade?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Perfect. The structure of Promenade focuses primarily on the abdominal muscles and how they are strategically stacked one on top of the other. And above that intricate totem of muscle, I have created a uniquely built chest and scapulary. One that undoubtedly evokes a sense of envy. You know what I call that?

DAMMOND
What?

NAAKTGEBOREN
The Promenade Deck!

DAMMOND
I like that!

NAAKTGEBOREN
In public, when another person recognizes your . . . how should I put it? . . .

(Rhymes with “oddity.”)

Promenadity?

DAMMOND
Yes.

NAAKTGEBOREN
And they say to you, “My, what a beautiful Promenade!” You know what you say to them? Nothing. You just give them . . .

(tilting his head)

. . . a Prome-Nod.

(DAMMOND laughs.)

NAAKTGEBOREN (cont’d)
It’s my favorite work of Walking Works of Art!

DAMMOND
A Prome-Nod?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Let me see it.

DAMMOND (tilts his head quite convincingly)
Prome-Nod.

NAAKTGEBOREN
You’re destined for Promenade.

DAMMOND
Really?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Just destined.

DAMMOND (nods his head again, even more dramatically)
Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod.

(DAMMOND continues tilting his head and repeating the words.)

AMELIA
Which one’s Promenade?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Second from the right.

AMELIA
This person here is Promenade?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Yes.

AMELIA
Is he real?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Yes.

AMELIA
He exists?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Of course.

AMELIA
He looks too perfect.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Naturally.

(DAMMOND eventually sits down on the floor to study more photographs and literature.)

AMELIA
You know him well?

NAAKTGEBOREN
He’s my twin.

AMELIA
Fraternal.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Identical.

AMELIA
He doesn’t look like you.

NAAKTGEBOREN
We’re not identical anymore. We changed our bodies to look different.

AMELIA
Intentionally?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Of course.

AMELIA
I can’t believe you’d do that.

NAAKTGEBOREN
You’re just prejudiced.

AMELIA
About what?

NAAKTGEBOREN
It’s a secret.

AMELIA
What secret?

NAAKTGEBOREN
My secret.

AMELIA
Then how can I be prejudiced about a secret? About something I don’t even know anything about?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Exactly. That’s prejudiced.

(MISS JUSTESEN looks at the pamphlets.)

MISS JUSTESEN
They’re beautiful beautiful photos.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Thank you.

AMELIA
I’m not prejudiced.

MISS JUSTESEN
Everyone looks like that! So beautiful. I always say, if you have body like that, then flaunt it. Idea like that, then flaunt it. Spirit like that, then flaunt it. Get it hell out of box and flaunt it. These kinds of things are not intended to be kept like secrets.

AMELIA
I still don’t see how you can say I’m prejudiced!

MISS JUSTESEN
Prejudices, my dear, are born only because some value worth of secret far greater than worth of truth.

AMELIA
But I’m not prejudiced!

MISS JUSTESEN
I know that, dear.

NAAKTGEBOREN
You’re prejudiced and hypocritical.

AMELIA
Based on what?

(NAAKTGEBOREN studies AMELIA’s face as he speaks.)

NAAKTGEBOREN
More hypocritical than prejudiced. But still prejudiced. If I could turn the clock back for ninety seconds, I’d say to you you’re hypocritical instead of saying you’re prejudiced.

AMELIA
Why?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Because I can see it on your face. Hypocrisy all around your fuckin’ face. A thousand tiny hairline scars from cosmetic surgery, am I right? Total reconstruction surgery on your face. So, then it is a hypocritical statement for you to judge my changing my brother’s body when you yourself have changed your face.

AMELIA
I had to change my face.

NAAKTGEBOREN (pointing to the pamphlet)
And that’s the same with him.

(Now pointing to DAMMOND.)

And that’s the same with him.

AMELIA
It’s not the same!

NAAKTGEBOREN
Why? Because you were in an emergency?

AMELIA
Exactly.

NAAKTGEBOREN (pointing to DAMMOND)
And so is he.

AMELIA
No.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Yours was a more immediate emergency.

AMELIA
Yes, it was.

NAAKTGEBOREN
But what makes you so sure that some people are not involved in a more incubated emergency? One that boils and toils and troubles the mind quite extensively. Even though it spans a year or two or decades even, it still to him’s emergency. Incubated emergency.

DAMMOND
These bodies are amazing!

NAAKTGEBOREN
See!

DAMMOND
All these bodies.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Look at him!

DAMMOND
Every single one of these bodies . . .

NAAKTGEBOREN
He’s so hungry!

DAMMOND
. . . Is so amazing! God, I need to change my body!

NAAKTGEBOREN
If that’s not emergency, I don’t know what is.

DAMMOND
Can I really look like this?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Of course.

DAMMOND
But what about my scars? It says right here, you have scarification removal? And pubic hair realignment? And cosmetic injections and pills for me to take? Does all that really work? I mean, can I really change that much?

NAAKTGEBOREN
You better pack your bags. I have a feeling you’re gonna be gone for a long, long time. You’re not only ready for the consultation, you’re ready for the TransFormation.

AMELIA
He’s not ready for the transformation!

DAMMOND
But what if I’m not meant to look like that? What if my body’s not intended to be attractive like that?

NAAKTGEBOREN
It is. Now get packing!

DAMMOND
But what if I can’t do it? What if my body can’t do it? What if I don’t even like what I could look like? What if the best possible me isn’t even good? What if something says that I can’t do it? What if some Magnetic Something somewhere says to me that this is me? And how I’ll always be. Like me. Like this. Just like this. Just like me. And you can’t do it. And there I’m left. With me. What if I’m stuck? What if I’m always left and stuck with me?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Then the best thing I could suggest for you is a nearsighted lover. Nearsighted in one eye. Farsighted in the other. From a distance, you’ll look decent. Up close, you’ll look decent. Because in between, one eye is lying all the time. Here’s your nearsighted lover. You’ve already got your nearsighted lover. If all else fails, you’ve already got your backup, because you’ve already got your nearsighted lover. But I know for you for a fact, you’d like something bigger, something better. You were very bold at my party tonight, and I like that.

DAMMOND
Bold about what?

NAAKTGEBOREN
You said you wanted to examine my body. And study my body.

DAMMOND
Yes.

NAAKTGEBOREN
So let’s go study the body. You study mine. And I’ll study yours.

(To AMELIA.)

That’s the last thing he said to me at the party. “Can we just lie here? Can I just examine you?” He strips me naked and gets me naked, and lies me down.

DAMMOND
You were already naked.

NAAKTGEBOREN
And stares at me with those big brown puppy eyes of his and says to me, “Can we just lie here? Can I just examine you? If I took off my hospital gown, would you lie on top of me? With your naked back on my naked chest. Right on top of me. For me to imagine. With my hands, I’d imagine. I just woke up. And the body on top of me is not on top of me, but is me. That the body I’m touching is me. So I feel your waist like it’s me. Your pelvic bone, it’s me. Your stomach. Your navel. It’s all me.”

DAMMOND
It’s not what I said.

NAAKTGEBOREN
It’s exactly what you said. “It’s kind of not at all like the kind of fun you like to have with your body, Naaktgeboren. But if you pretend this for me. Then I’ll pretend that I have fun with you. That I have fun with whatever you would like to do with me.”

DAMMOND
I didn’t say that.

AMELIA
Did you say that? You said you wanted to examine other people’s bodies.

DAMMOND
But I don’t want it like that! I didn’t mean it like that!

NAAKTGEBOREN
I saw you when you said it. On your knees, crying and begging.

DAMMOND
But not like that.

AMELIA
Then what?

DAMMOND
I want to look at what I should have. And study what I should have. And examine what I should have. Your body. Your perfect body. Your very perfect scarless body. I want to touch what I should have.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Then touch.

DAMMOND
At the party . . .

NAAKTGEBOREN
Touch me.

DAMMOND
. . . my later thoughts . . .

NAAKTGEBOREN
You can touch me.

DAMMOND
. . . before . . .

NAAKTGEBOREN
Just touch me.

DAMMOND
. . . at the party . . .

NAAKTGEBOREN
Touch me!

DAMMOND
. . . were . . . . . . surgery. God, send surgery. Perfect body surgery. Like a blanket or a lock or a guard. It would give me security. For me, for someone to accept me and love me. That need for me. For whoever’s out there, for them to yes me. That’s what I need. As a person. As a me. As a man. My own biology rights. That’s what I need. No scars. Like you. I’d want it just like you. Your pretty, pretty structured body. No backfire body. No un-, mal-, or disbody. You have what I want. Inside my head. A live idea! Of what  I want to be. Just a beautiful body. Like all these beautiful bodies in all these beautiful pictures. This beauty of the body that I don’t have. This form of perfection that I don’t own. It’s the beauty of the body and the form of perfection that I crave.

NAAKTGEBOREN
I’ll help you pack.

DAMMOND
OK.

NAAKTGEBOREN
I love . . . the way . . . you touch me.

DAMMOND
OK.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Such hunger . . . and devotion . . . It’s amazing.

MISS JUSTESEN
You need to meet my friend.

DAMMOND
Who’s that?

MISS JUSTESEN
Dana Gray.

DAMMOND
Who’s Dana Gray?

MISS JUSTESEN
You need to meet Dana Gray. If you think like that, you need to meet Dana Gray.

NAAKTGEBOREN
You have a suitcase?

DAMMOND
Under the bed.

(NAAKTGEBOREN takes out the suitcase and begins packing it.)

MISS JUSTESEN
Just wrote amazing book. About what you just said. About seasons of year. And how it affects everybody’s thoughts and emotions and ideas.

DAMMOND
I didn’t say that.

MISS JUSTESEN
It’s called Seasons of Womb.

DAMMOND
It’s not what I said.

MISS JUSTESEN
It’s amazing book!

DAMMOND
It’s not for me.

NAAKTGEBOREN
I know what you mean.

DAMMOND
I don’t like stuff like that.

NAAKTGEBOREN
I don’t blame you.

DAMMOND
I never have.

NAAKTGEBOREN
It’s not your cup of tea.

DAMMOND
Exactly.

MISS JUSTESEN
How it affects conception and development in every stage of lives.

DAMMOND
I hate those types of books.

MISS JUSTESEN (not a question)
Are you different if you’re conceived in spring versus being conceived in winter?

DAMMOND
But that’s astrology.

MISS JUSTESEN
In some ways that’s true.

NAAKTGEBOREN
It’s astrology. We not like astrology.

DAMMOND
I don’t want to meet anybody that writes those types of books.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Where’s your underwear? Do you wear underwear?

MISS JUSTESEN
But are you affected differently as embryo if you are formed in summer versus being formed in winter or fall or in spring. If things are fertile in air. If home’s had spring cleaning, and your siblings are laughing and your father’s at home, does that spring affection play part in your life if you’re in womb in spring.

NAAKTGEBOREN
So, what are you saying? Daddy’s home—the house is clean—I feel good—I think I’ll kick—Kick!—Oh, honey, he just kicked! Let me feel—Kick!—Oh, he just kicked again! Children, come quick, come feel! Your brother just kicked—Kick!—Why’d he kick, Mommy, why, why?—Kick!—Because the house is clean—Kick!—and your father—Kick!—is at home!—Kick!

MISS JUSTESEN
It’s not at all like that.

NAAKTGEBOREN
That’s what you said.

MISS JUSTESEN
Not like that.

AMELIA
She didn’t mean it like that.

MISS JUSTESEN
Also talks about world events.

AMELIA
Really?

DAMMOND
I don’t want to talk about world events!

NAAKTGEBOREN
Me, too.

MISS JUSTESEN
Like wars and depressions.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Big fun!

DAMMOND
Wars and depressions!

MISS JUSTESEN
About how could have huge direct effect on the mother—or even directly affecting fetus or embryo.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Everything has paint on them! You’ll need a whole new wardrobe! You’ll need a whole new wardrobe anyway! But you need a whole new wardrobe . . .

MISS JUSTESEN
Huge chronological table corresponding to what year you were born and dates you were conceived.

DAMMOND
It’s bullshit.

MISS JUSTESEN
It’s not bullshit.

DAMMOND
I can tell when something’s bullshit.

MISS JUSTESEN
Dana Gray says in China, when you’re born, you’re born on your first birthday.

DAMMOND
So—

MISS JUSTESEN
You’re already one year old.

AMELIA
That’s neat.

MISS JUSTESEN
Isn’t it?

AMELIA
Then I’d be thirty.

MISS JUSTESEN
Says months before we’re born is most amazing and eventful part of life.

DAMMOND
How’s that?

MISS JUSTESEN
At beginning, we’re zygote. Just one cell. We’re one cell. And then from
then on, we double.

AMELIA
Two. Four. Eight. Sixteen, et cetera.

MISS JUSTESEN
Until time we are born, we each contain about two hundred billion cells.

AMELIA
Two hundred billion?

MISS JUSTESEN
And do you know how much cell weighs?

AMELIA
I know.

MISS JUSTESEN
About fifteen ten-millionths of one gram!

AMELIA
I know.

MISS JUSTESEN
At time of birth, we each weigh over three thousand grams! So in nine months’ time, what’s that? We gained approximately two billion times our original weight.

AMELIA
That’s amazing.

MISS JUSTESEN
You started out being egg, so tiny, you could fit through eye of needle. Then you became thin and hollow and long, like rubber band. And around third week of life, your nerves started forming. And your liver started appearing. And your heart started beating. Dana Gray says, “Wouldn’t that seem to you like best adventure of your life?”

AMELIA
We need to meet her.

MISS JUSTESEN
Yes.

AMELIA
Let’s invite her over.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Not now.

DAMMOND
I don’t want to meet her.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Me neither.

DAMMOND
Not now.

AMELIA
Where does she live?

MISS JUSTESEN
TriBeCa.

DAMMOND
I don’t want to meet her.

AMELIA
Miss Justesen—

MISS JUSTESEN
Yes?

AMELIA
I think we should invite her over right now.

NAAKTGEBOREN
You have a shaving kit?

DAMMOND
Yes.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Go get that and all your toiletries.

DAMMOND
Yes.

NAAKTGEBOREN
We’re almost packed.

DAMMOND
Naaktgeboren—

NAAKTGEBOREN
Yes, Dammond?

DAMMOND
Can I really change my body?

(NAAKTGEBOREN takes DAMMOND’S hands and places them strategically onto NAAKTGEBOREN’s body.)

NAAKTGEBOREN
Into something very similar to this.

DAMMOND
God!

(DAMMOND buries his face in NAAKTGEBOREN’S chest. He cries hungrily.)

NAAKTGEBOREN
Yes! Yes! Yes! It’s all right. It’s all right.

DAMMOND
Yes.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Go get your shaving kit.

DAMMOND
I’ll be right back.

(DAMMOND crosses to the bathroom.)

NAAKTGEBOREN
Just look at that. He is destined for Promenade.

DAMMOND
Promenade?

NAAKTGEBOREN
Promenade!

DAMMOND (his face lights up)
Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod.

NAAKTGEBOREN
Perfect.

DAMMOND
Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod. Prome-Nod.

(DAMMOND and NAAKTGEBOREN stare at each other from across the room. The magnetism between them is apparent. AMELIA and MISS JUSTESEN observe in uncomfortable silence.)

(Blackout. End of Act One.)

Act Two  

   Contributor’s notes
   Arts and Sciences Introduction   
   Characters and Setting