G.K. WUORI | Wendy’s Friend
Scene Two
(Late morning, a few days later. MR. LONGFELLOW is standing in the center of the room dressed in a military uniform and holding a sword in his hand. WENDY’S FRIEND is standing close to him. A bottle of polish and a rag are in her hands as she polishes the metal buttons on MR. LONGFELLOW’S coat.)
WENDY’S FRIEND
Would you like me to polish your knife, sir?MR. LONGFELLOW
My knife?WENDY’S FRIEND
Your big knife, sir. This one.MR. LONGFELLOW
Ah! It’s a sword, child. It’s called a sword. S-W-O-R-D.WENDY’S FRIEND
S-W-O-R-D. Sa-Ward?MR. LONGFELLOW
Indeed. The sword is fine for now. I’ll polish it myself before the parade.WENDY’S FRIEND
A parade. I know parades. We had them often in my country. Great rainbows of gay clothing and gay people and all kinds of gay music.MR. LONGFELLOW
Gay parades? They have parades now? I’m going to be in a gay parade?WENDY’S FRIEND
Oh, Mr. Longfellow. My English has got me upside down again.MR. LONGFELLOW
Nothing to be upset about. I’ve had gay associates. Good people, quite nimble—always prompt, as I recall.WENDY’S FRIEND
No, no—happy. I meant happy.MR. LONGFELLOW
—in reasonable measure.WENDY’S FRIEND
My parades, sir. I meant the parades in my country were happy parades. Gay, in this country, gay I remember is not the same as happy. I meant happy.MR. LONGFELLOW
You meant happy?WENDY’S FRIEND
I did, sir.MR. LONGFELLOW
So I won’t be marching in a gay parade?WENDY’S FRIEND
Maybe it will only be happy, sir. A happy parade.MR. LONGFELLOW
You need to say what you mean, child. More than one war has been started over synonyms.WENDY’S FRIEND
Over …? Yes, sir. I’ll try harder. Truly I will.MR. LONGFELLOW
That’s all I expect.WENDY’S FRIEND
Sir?MR. LONGFELLOW
Yes?WENDY’S FRIEND
Might I look at it for a moment? It’s such a beautiful thing.MR. LONGFELLOW
Are we talking about my penis again?WENDY’S FRIEND
Oh no, sir. I don’t believe we are. I was only wondering if I could look at your sa-ward.MR. LONGFELLOW
Well, I don’t see why not.(MR. LONGFELLOW withdraws the sword from its scabbard and hands it to WENDY’S FRIEND.)
With care, my dear. It is for the most part a ceremonial device, but never forget that it’s a true weapon.
WENDY’S FRIEND
You’ve killed men?MR. LONGFELLOW
Not me. Not that I know of and not with this sword. But it’s over a hundred years old so I’m sure its history is both glorious and sad.WENDY’S FRIEND
Like most history, is it not?MR. LONGFELLOW
That’s a quite good observation. You’ve studied, haven’t you. University?WENDY’S FRIEND
Yes, sir. I have degrees in maths and economics.MR. LONGFELLOW
Yet here you are.WENDY’S FRIEND
I believe I am, sir. Here I am.(A knock on the door interrupts the conversation. As WENDY’S FRIEND, still examining the sword, turns quickly toward the door, MR. LONGFELLOW has to duck as the blade comes perilously close to his head. She goes over and opens the door to see WENDY standing there. A look of horror crosses her face as she notices WENDY’s arm in a sling.)
You’re injured, darling! Is it bad? Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
WENDY
Please, my lovely. Really, it’s a minor thing. My goodness, though—such an incredible weapon. Has Mr. Longfellow been naughty?WENDY’S FRIEND
How sweet of you to laugh in your pain. But, no—he is still a fine man. We are preparing him for a parade of the old soldiers. But you, Wendy. What has happened now?(WENDY’S FRIEND returns the sword to its scabbard.)
I believe you will be quite elegant, sir.
MR. LONGFELLOW
Perhaps a bit of a nap is in order, though. This has all been quite rigorous. Close-order drill always is.WENDY’S FRIEND
It has been a busy morning for you. Would you like me to put a blanket on your couch in the office?(MR. LONGFELLOW, however, has chosen to take his nap where he is: standing at attention, eyes closed, mouth open slightly. WENDY’S FRIEND pushes him back gently so that he is leaning against the fireplace mantle. She turns back to WENDY.)
A good story now, sweet friend. I want to know what truly, truly has happened to you.
WENDY
An accident, only that. I was dusting under the baby’s crib and had one arm through the bars so I could pat her tummy. Got up too quick, though, and dislocated my shoulder.WENDY’S FRIEND (Pauses, a skeptical expression on her face)
The expression, I believe, the American expression, which you don’t even have to understand to really feel it, is, “Would you buy a used car from this woman?”WENDY
It’s hard to have a friend you can’t lie to.WENDY’S FRIEND
It’s even harder to have friends if you lie to them.WENDY
I know, I know. Lying, though, isn’t it really like a poem you simply haven’t finished yet?WENDY’S FRIEND
You don’t look like poetry to me, Wendy.WENDY
Mrs. Dolly popped my shoulder out trying to flip me. I fell on the davenport, though, so it wasn’t all that bad.WENDY’S FRIEND
Flip you? What means this flip you?WENDY
Like trying to turn me upside down. She was angry. Very angry.WENDY’S FRIEND
Mrs. Dolly always turns you upside down when she’s angry?WENDY
It’s a big davenport, very soft.WENDY’S FRIEND
I don’t believe that answers my question. No matter. You’ve been to hospital?WENDY
There was a plumbing man in the house at the time. We’ve been having problems with one of the banquet sinks in the kitchen. This plumbing man, though, it turns out he used to be a muscle therapist in the old Yugoslavia. He knew right away what to do and he told Mrs. Dolly how to make the sling. She’s still angry, though, since I was only able to pour coffee and tea at her party last night.WENDY’S FRIEND
Plumber.WENDY
Plumber?WENDY’S FRIEND
He’s called a plumber, not a plumbing man.WENDY
Quite competent, I think.WENDY’S FRIEND
Once again you make me hurt, Wendy Alice.WENDY
Truly, it is not worth your thoughts, certainly not your hurt. I only wish—WENDY’S FRIEND
You wish? For what do you wish?WENDY
You try so hard to see a new place through its own eyes, to be … is it judgmental? Yes, I think it is that. To be not judgmental. It is just that I would have Mrs. Dolly be. . . instructional in these things, and she is not that.WENDY’S FRIEND
You would find a teacher in the devil?WENDY
Oh, darling, not a devil. Mrs. Dolly is not a devil. I don’t think people are bad because they want to be. I’m sure she wants nothing but my goodness. What is missing, though, the word, what is this word? Therapeutic?WENDY’S FRIEND
All right.WENDY
Yes, therapeutic. If she thinks me dreadful, she should show me how I could be not dreadful. Yes. No one wants to be dreadful. Do you? I don’t.WENDY’S FRIEND
Misbehavior is a disease easily cured. Servants, employees, children, even animal pets all know this.WENDY
So true, my darling. I ask myself again and again just what is there to be learned by having your head pushed into the water of a toilet or your hand placed upon an electric stove burner?WENDY’S FRIEND
She’s done these things to you, Wendy?WENDY
I heal quite well, quite efficiently. My aunty always told me that. I have to say, too, because I know these Americans always like things to be. . . fairness? Fair, that’s it. To be fair, Mrs. Dolly always adjusts my workload following the punishments.WENDY’S FRIEND
So with your shoulder broken you don’t have to hold the baby?WENDY
Oh, no! I can do that.(Gesturing to her sling)
I can put her right in here.
WENDY’S FRIEND
Wendy? I was being. . . not nice. Sarcastic, I believe.WENDY
Oh. I understand. Anyway, if your superiors can’t also be your teachers, why do we have them?(MR. LONGFELLOW stirs at the mantle, then pushes himself upright. WENDY notices.)
Your employer. I believe he is wakeful now.
WENDY’S FRIEND
Perhaps there is something I can do. Why don’t you go home now? I’ll call you—maybe soon, maybe with good news.(Exit WENDY.)
(Turning to MR. LONGFELLOW.)
Mr. Longfellow?
MR. LONGFELLOW
No need to call housekeeping. It all dries after a time. Excuse me. You said something?WENDY’S FRIEND
Are you ready for your meeting?MR. LONGFELLOW
My meeting?WENDY’S FRIEND
I hope you haven’t forgotten.MR. LONGFELLOW
I do not forget meetings, young lady. For forty years it was what I did. I met with people. I had them stand or sit as the mood suited me. If they talked gibberish I threw them out. If they made sense, I listened. We talked, though. God love us, we talked—and we made money. So is everyone here?WENDY’S FRIEND
I believe they are.MR. LONGFELLOW
Good enough. You have the agenda?WENDY’S FRIEND
I do.MR. LONGFELLOW
Proceed, then.WENDY’S FRIEND
Would you mind if Wendy came to live with us?MR. LONGFELLOW
Is she not quartered already?WENDY’S FRIEND
She is, sir. But her situation is not good.MR. LONGFELLOW
Situations can be complicated. Indeed, do we know that. Information, though. Hard data, please. I need hard data. Do we fully understand her family situation? Have you researched matters of liability? Compatibility? Has anyone drawn up a list of what her duties might be? Does she have a sale price? I mean, an exchange value?WENDY’S FRIEND
Those are all excellent questions, sir.MR. LONGFELLOW
Yet only ancillary to the bigger question.WENDY’S FRIEND
Ancill. . . . What is the bigger question, sir?MR. LONGFELLOW
What’s the point of all this? Why is this an issue for my household?WENDY’S FRIEND
She’s being beaten, sir. Quite badly, I think.MR. LONGFELLOW
There’s more than one way to see a beating, you know. I remember one time when—WENDY’S FRIEND
—correct?MR. LONGFELLOW
Interruption noted, but point taken.WENDY’S FRIEND
I’m not sure I understand.MR. LONGFELLOW
I’ll need to talk to the whole board on this matter, Eleanor. Consultation, you see. The addition of residents is a serious matter and not a decision I care to make on my own. Consultation, you see, consultation. That’s the essence of everything that happens on this earth.WENDY’S FRIEND
Might you tell them these are urgent circumstances, sir?MR. LONGFELLOW
I’ll do my best. In the meantime, Eleanor—WENDY’S FRIEND
Yes, sir?MR. LONGFELLOW
—that’s Mrs. Dolly—to drop by as soon as possible. Within the hour, if she can—before my afternoon nap. She’s one of these sour young bats but I believe a bit of arbitration, some amelioration—WENDY’S FRIEND
Before your nap, sir. I’m sure we can do that. I mean, I’ll do my best.MR. LONGFELLOW
And Eleanor?WENDY’S FRIEND
Yes, sir.MR. LONGFELLOW
Have Mrs. Dolly bring her girl, too, this one you’re talking about.WENDY’S FRIEND
Oh yes, sir. Yes, sir!(Exit MR. LONGFELLOW. WENDY’S FRIEND goes to the phone. She begins to pick it up and then stops and takes a moment to rehearse her talk with MRS. DOLLY.)
Hello. This is Mr. Longfellow. I mean—
Mr. Longfellow wants to see you before his nap. No, no!
Hello. Mrs. Jim? No—is it? James? Yet he said Alexandra.
Hello Alexandra? Too familiar.(WENDY’S FRIEND picks up the phone then and touches in the number. WENDY answers the phone at the Dolly residence.)
Wendy? Something’s happening, maybe something good. What? Climbing a tree for the kitty cat? Don’t you have groundsmen for that? Oh—you were late. Well look, don’t do it, darling. Your arm. Good heavens, think of your arm. I can’t say much right now because I need to speak to Mrs. Dolly. Yes, me. Of course I’m allowed. I understand, darling.
(Pause)
Mrs. Dolly? This is Mr. Longfellow’s housekeeper calling on Mr. Longfellow’s behalf. If it’s at all possible, would you and your maid be able to meet with him? Really, as soon as possible. It’s rather urgent. Yes, here. He doesn’t, as you know, leave his home any longer. Oh, very good. I’m sure he’ll be quite joyful.
(Hangs up.)
Joyful?
(MR. LONGFELLOW enters the room. He has removed his military outfit and is now dressed in his three-piece suit, this time with both shirt and socks included. He looks quite distinguished.)
MR. LONGFELLOW
Eleanor, some refreshments would be in order for the meeting. Some brandy for me, and I believe Mrs. Dolly prefers an herbal tea—with ice.WENDY’S FRIEND
You knew she would come, sir? I did talk to her on the telephone, but—MR. LONGFELLOW
Perhaps you won’t understand, Eleanor. But it’s something of an agreement among those of us fortunate enough. . . to be fortunate. Let’s just say I’ve provided some assistance in the past to her husband—a financial matter in one instance, a matter of his personal freedom in another.WENDY’S FRIEND
He was not free?MR. LONGFELLOW
He was not incarcerated—there’s quite a difference. Another thing, Eleanor?WENDY’S FRIEND
Yes, sir?MR. LONGFELLOW
Would you bring my check ledger out here? It’s on my desk in my office. Oh, and there should be a tablet there. Bring it and a pencil with you. I’d like you to take minutes.WENDY’S FRIEND
Time off, sir? You wish me to leave?MR. LONGFELLOW
Excuse me?WENDY’S FRIEND
I believe I’ve misunderstood something. How many minutes did you want me to take?MR. LONGFELLOW (Laughing)
Just an expression, child. It means to make notes, to keep a record of a meeting. Always, a most important obligation. I once misplaced a tall building because a young woman lost the minutes of a meeting. I think I misplaced the young woman, too, but that was another matter.(WENDY’S FRIEND leaves the room for a moment to work on her preparations. When the sound of a metal door knocker is heard, MR. LONGFELLOW gets a quizzical look on his face and looks over toward the door. Again there is a knock on the door. MR. LONGFELLOW raises one arm slightly as though to direct someone to the door, and looks around the room. It is clear that it has been a long time since he has opened the front door to greet someone.
As WENDY’S FRIEND reenters the room, the telephone rings. She answers it.)
WENDY’S FRIEND
Mr. Longfellow’s residence. What? Wendy? You are? Oh my goodness! I’m so very sorry!(She rushes to the front door then and opens it. MRS. DOLLY enters, followed by WENDY. WENDY’S FRIEND closes the door, then goes over to a sideboard and pours brandy for MR. LONGFELLOW and a glass of herbal tea for MRS. DOLLY. She puts the drinks on a tray.)
MR. LONGFELLOW
Alexandra—it’s such a pleasure to see you again.(They embrace quite lightly, quite formally.)
MRS. DOLLY
You are much too much the recluse, Herbert.MR. LONGFELLOW
My handlers, dear. They have forced me cruelly into rest and relaxation.MRS. DOLLY
Do you miss it, Herbert? All your adventures, the spotlights, the publicity?MR. LONGFELLOW
Not much of it was terribly real, Alexandra. Always was it one gambit pursuing another so that a third gambit might lead to a fourth. But always—MRS. DOLLY
Yes?MR. LONGFELLOW
—was it better than a poke in the eye.MRS. DOLLY
With none better than you in the pursuit. That’s always been my understanding, what I’ve heard.MR. LONGFELLOW
That’s a very kind thing to say to an old man. My daughter, however, says I must now pursue amusements and gentle things. Music, for example, about which I know nothing. I often think she has a cranky heart, but it’s a big heart, and she’s hoping I’ll live forever. Perhaps I shall.MRS. DOLLY
We would all be enriched by that, Herbert.MR. LONGFELLOW
With all this syrup flowing so freely perhaps some refreshments are in order. Eleanor?(WENDY’S FRIEND brings the tray of drinks over to MRS. DOLLY who is seated on a couch.)
WENDY’S FRIEND
Herbal tea, ma’am?MRS. DOLLY
Yes.(WENDY’S FRIEND serves MR. LONGFELLOW his brandy. After returning the tray to the sideboard, she picks up the tablet and pencil and sits next to WENDY. The two are sitting in straight-back chairs up against the wall, while MRS. DOLLY is on the couch and MR. LONGFELLOW is seated on a cushioned chair.)
MR. LONGFELLOW
Your husband is well, Alexandra?MRS. DOLLY
He’s fine, Herbert, traveling more than ever now, which pretty much leaves me at the mercy of my own resources.MR. LONGFELLOW
And your staff.MRS. DOLLY
Down to just two, I’m afraid—my driver, who has grudgingly agreed to do some grounds work, and my girl. That should change soon, however. In fact I’m interviewing tomorrow. That alone is a terrible chore what with language barriers and all. Which reminds me, Herbert—am I to understand that you’re having some problems with your help? I can certainly sympathize if that’s the case.MR. LONGFELLOW
With my help? I don’t believe so.MRS. DOLLY (Looking over at WENDY)
Perhaps I’ve been misinformed then. It wouldn’t be the first time.MR. LONGFELLOW
Right dish, wrong fork, as they say.MRS. DOLLY
Pardon me?MR. LONGFELLOW
Problems with the help—that is why I wanted to talk to you today.MRS. DOLLY
Oh. Very well.FELLOW
My understanding, Alexandra, is that you’re knocking the shit out of your girl here. Rather unseemly that, although of course I’m well aware of how difficult these people can sometimes be.MRS. DOLLY
This is so very awkward, Herbert. You’re giving me advice on my employment practices?MR. LONGFELLOW
I think not. I mean, my advising days are water under the bridge now, which means that I have the luxury of some simple human concern.MRS. DOLLY
There are humans, and there are humans, Herbert. It’s not so much a quantity as a quality.MR. LONGFELLOW
Some of us a little more on the team than others, Alexandra?MRS. DOLLY
Or simply more fit to play.MR. LONGFELLOW
No doubt we could continue this sparring for some time, my dear. But look—we, you and I, Alexandra, are a beginning for these folks. We can be their strength and we can be their teachers. Our history is complex, but its hallmark is the coming together of people who, in other lands, could never come together without the results being both savage and saddening. We can show them how dignity can arise from difference. We can show them the marvelous treats available to all on this American table. They, in turn, can give us infinity, a thousand years of pax humana through their labors, their living, their families. They can remember those who gave them their start as both generous and instructive. Or not.MRS. DOLLY
Very elegant, Herbert. But I’m afraid I don’t see the point in all of that.MR. LONGFELLOW (He raises his arm in a gesture toward WENDY’S FRIEND)
Ledger, please.(WENDY’S FRIEND gets up from her chair and brings him the checkbook ledger and a pen from the sideboard.)
Quite frankly, I didn’t think you would.
MRS. DOLLY
Not that it’s terribly complicated. I don’t mean that. But I do believe the Lord tells us that if you spare the rod you spoil the child.MR. LONGFELLOW (Writing in his checkbook ledger and talking)
Yet these are not children, are they? Young women, far from home, here under circumstances that might not warrant a close check of their documents. Still, they work hard for us and rarely realize how much we profit from their labors. You’ve never struck me as being stupid, Alexandra.(Once again he gestures toward WENDY’S FRIEND, this time with check in hand. He instructs her to give it to MRS. DOLLY.)
MRS. DOLLY
What is it that you really want, Herbert?MR. LONGFELLOW
You can just leave the girl, Alexandra. Eleanor? Would you arrange to have her things picked up from the Dolly residence?WENDY’S FRIEND
Yes, sir. Of course.MR. LONGFELLOW (Rising)
The door, Eleanor? It has been a pleasure, Alexandra. Do keep in touch.MRS. DOLLY
Indeed, Herbert. We’ll keep in touch.(Exit MRS. DOLLY.)
MR. LONGFELLOW
It’s my naptime, Eleanor. You may see to your other duties.WENDY’S FRIEND
Enjoy your rest, sir.(Exit MR. LONGFELLOW. At this point WENDY and her friend are all smiles and stifled laughter. They embrace, then sit on the couch, their looks and gestures an excited display of triumph.)
WENDY
Oh.WENDY’S FRIEND
Yes?WENDY
I think I might be confused. Yes. I’m confused.WENDY’S FRIEND
About what, Wendy?WENDY
Eleanor?WENDY’S FRIEND
Yes?WENDY
Who is this Eleanor?WENDY’S FRIEND
I have no idea.(Curtain)
