print previewback DILRUBA AHMED
God or No God
Because God or no God are both monstrous.
—Ellen Doré Watson
Monstrous they were
in what they took
from you—
What they did not take, they broke.
What they broke, we could not heal
unable to kneel to any heaven—
All that remained to worship
was death and so we let it send
hot breath down the spine
of our lives all winter
until we broke like books
into two mutable halves.
One half believed in mercy.
The other in nothing.
But the nothing half
was greater and nothing
triumphed again and again.
Nothing carved a hole
in your spine until
nothing remained.
The doctors did no harm
The doctors did—
The doctors
The harm
The doctors didharm
no
no
no
Theno
didharm
The doctors—
The doctors
no
no
Their words were a form of poison
meant to fool us with sweetness.
I tasted the terms. Swallowed
the sermon. The fruitless unction.
(I went on hoping you’d be okay)
(I expected you to grow more ferocious)
They broke what they did not take—
(no)
(no)
What they did not take, they broke. 